


Dear, Billy

by xoz



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Depression, Diary/Journal, Grief/Mourning, Letters, Multi, POV Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, this is pretty emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:27:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29054370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoz/pseuds/xoz
Summary: Spring of 1986 Max starts to journal to Billy. Max doesn’t know Billy did the same thing too.
Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Billy Hargrove/Steve Harrington, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i am very interested on how max is going to grieve in season 4. story telling through journaling is my favorite way of communicating emotions of characters i enjoy. i am technically using this story in a way to vent about my own grief of a loved one that has passed. staying true to the characters and their stories and thoughts but still personal. typed out version after image, enjoy.

-

March 3rd, 1986

To Billy, 

It’s been 8 months. I still expect to hear your car engine and see you walk in. You never seemed happy. That used to annoy me. But now I understand. I’m not happy often anymore either.

I’m almost done with my Freshman year. You were supposed to graduate this year. This year has been hard. I miss you. I know we hated each other but, I don’t care about any of that anymore. It all seems so petty to me now. It doesn’t matter. It never did. And it took me you being gone to realize that. 

I’m sorry Billy.

I’m sorry I didn’t help you sooner. Even before you know.

I can’t wrap around that you’re actually. Gone. It doesn’t seem real. I used to convince myself that you just finally ran away. Until I found your savings still under your bed. It doesn’t seem fair. Life is never fair. I think I finally understand how you felt. Especially about this stupid town. If we didn’t move here none of this would have happened. I’m sorry. It’s my fault. And I can’t make it up to you.

-Max


	2. March 7, 1986

March 7, 1986

Billy,

People still talk about you here. I thought that might get a kick out of you. Most of the time they bring up how awesome you were in a way to cheer me up? Or to comfort me? Your weird old jock friends are really the only ones that have brought you up to me. The party never brought it up. 

I thought I was ok with that but once El left, I left the party too. They didn’t seem to care and I don’t either.

It’s funny. You never liked them either. Maybe I should have listened to you and stayed away.

I feel like I have backed up myself into a corner. They are the only ones that really know what happened.

I’m sorry Billy.

I’m so so sorry.

-Max


	3. March 23, 1986

March 23rd, 1986

Billy,

Neil left. I’m glad. He was starting to be violent with me. And i guess that was teh line for my mom. The line wasn’t with you. Or even herself. But me. The one person that actually deserves it. We didn’t help you. I’m sorry.

Technically we left. We moved to a small apartment building in town. Right next to the police station. I think it makes my mom feel better. But all it does it remind me of Hopper. 

Everyone cared about Hopper. it was the only person anyone cared about. They never mentioned you, only El and Joyce. Which who were dealing with Hopper’s death rougher than anyone.

I guess i’m mad. Mad at the police station. Mad at Hopper. For being the one people called a hero. And not you.

You are one you know? A Hero. You saved El. You saved everyone.

Thank you Billy.

-Max

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr @ xozzy


End file.
